Originally Posted by
Ulyana
Disappearance of Nation's Largest Peanut Butter Manufacturers has Workers Scratching their Heads
SKIPPY HEADQUARTERS, ALAMEDA, CA and JIF HEADQUARTERS, ORVILLE, OH (Associated Press - March 18, 2008)
The future of our nation's peanut butter supply is uncertain today as workers at the two largest peanut butter manufacturers arrived at work this morning to find their factories missing.
Workers at the Skippy peanut butter headquarters in Alameda, CA and the Jif/Smuckers Headquarters in Orville, OH arrived at their respective factories today to find a perplexing sight -- two large, empty lots. Both facilities, as well as their branches scattered across the nation, have completely disappeared. At this time, we are unable to obtain an official explanation as to how several manufacturing plants of hundreds of thousands of square feet could be removed from their lots without a trace in the space of one night.
"We're allocating plenty of manpower to this case, I assure you," said Jim Dawkins, FBI. "At this time we can only speculate as to the cause of the disappearance. Some possibilities include aliens, spontaneous disintegration, or Carmen Sandiego. We ask Americans to please remain calm. Any peanut butter-related civil disobedience will be met with deadly force."
"This is pretty serious," stated Patricia Kowling, FDA. "We're working with the Department of Homeland Security to pre-emptively quell any disturbances caused by this threat to our peanut butter supply. For now, we are putting the National Guard on alert and working with the European Union to increase our peanut butter imports. We can only hope that our people can't taste the Jif-rence."