As I lay here, I listen to my heart beat rhythmically. I hum a soft tone along with each beat, listening to the beating flow from my toes to my head. As the clock on the wall behind me ticks, I know itís only a matter of time before I start this all again. What, you may ask? Why, it is the day that I must confront my own fear, the fear of losing control. As I watch the pendulum inside of the clock sway left and right. Its rhythmic movement quickly puts me in a trance. I am only broken of this trance by the light that breaks through my window, the light from the city northwest of here. Thoughts are pacing through my mind rapidly, almost as if I canít control them. As if IímÖlosing control. As the time crawls forward, I canít help but wonder how I will make it through the day, filled with intense therapy, hard work, and no break.
Finally, after two hours, I fell asleep. Almost instantly, I woke up, wishing that the night would have lasted longer. Swinging my blankets over my body, and climbing out of bed, I notice Iím the only one up at this time. I glance over at the clock through the corner of my eye, and see that it says 6:30 AM. I donít need to be at therapy until 10:00. What to do for 3 Ĺ hours? As I make my way downstairs, I can see the daylight just breaking through my window blinds. I make my way to the fridge, opening up the door, and grabbing the orange juice. I pour a glass, and put it away. Sitting down at the table in my dining room, I drink my juice in silence. Not speaking a word, not thinking a word. Itís the first time Iíve had solitude in weeks. I hear a loud thump at the door, and realize that the paper has just arrived. Making my way to the door, I pick up the paper, and see the headline ďLocal boy awarded honor medal for brave actions!Ē I canít help but read the body of the article as I drink my juice. Once done, I put my glass in the dish washer, and make my way back upstairs. I head back in to the bed room, retrieving my watch and glasses. Therapy is in 3 hours, and Iím not sure how to burn off that much time. I wonder what I should doÖ