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Thread: God ok here goes another story: Artemis Fowl the Third in MapleStory!!!

  1. #11

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    dude. Im making UP a story not a real one

    Always looking for guildmates.

    Fave series: Artemis Fowl, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, and er.... Hunting for others. Please recommend series. NOTE SERIES!!!!!

    Goals!!!!
    30[x] 35[x] 40[x] 50[] 60[] 70[] 80+[]
    solo pap[] solo mm[x] solo zmm[] solo king slime[x] 1st mill[] max out buddies guild[x] get nx[]

    Spoiler!

  2. #12
    Yes, I'm a dude Sennheiser93's Avatar
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    Your endeavour to write like Eoin has crashed and burned. No one, especially not an interwebs fan fiction writer can replicate the fine balance of wit and entertainment that grips your attention like Eoin does.

    You do not just make up random stuff, especially when the series is not even over. Artemis Fowl II marries an elf? Sure, it might happen, but you can't assume that, especially with the information already given to you by the first 5 books.

  3. #13

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    I'm not trying to replicate his writing this is a mixed up thing from my head

    Always looking for guildmates.

    Fave series: Artemis Fowl, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, and er.... Hunting for others. Please recommend series. NOTE SERIES!!!!!

    Goals!!!!
    30[x] 35[x] 40[x] 50[] 60[] 70[] 80+[]
    solo pap[] solo mm[x] solo zmm[] solo king slime[x] 1st mill[] max out buddies guild[x] get nx[]

    Spoiler!

  4. #14
    Yes, I'm a dude Sennheiser93's Avatar
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    It's still kind of ****.

    Even your own "mixed up thing from [your] head" is rubbish.

    Your spelling, grammar, structure, I mean, each sentence is a paragraph? You should probably stop posting and just write it yourself in word. Then delete it.

  5. #15
    Slime
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    Your endeavour to write like Eoin has crashed and burned. No one, especially not an interwebs fan fiction writer can replicate the fine balance of wit and entertainment that grips your attention like Eoin does.

    You do not just make up random stuff, especially when the series is not even over. Artemis Fowl II marries an elf? Sure, it might happen, but you can't assume that, especially with the information already given to you by the first 5 books.
    Being fanfic, he can make Artemis Fowl II marry a Hogwarts elf if thats the story he wants to make. As he is not making official canon stories, fanfic is purely alternate reality ideas so he can assume whatever he wants.

    Your spelling, grammar, structure, I mean, each sentence is a paragraph?
    Actually, starting a new double spaced line whenever there is a new speaker or change of dialogue is the proper format when writing a story on an internet message board. It makes it easier on the eyes to read. Manuscript form for actual publisher submission is completely different with different rules. I do agree you have a point on the spelling, grammar, and structure though and if he is committed to trying to make this a coherent story, I hope there is some more improvement.

  6. #16

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    lol i also reminds me. Please don't insult me. Or else put it in white. I like my cooled down state. I'm barely like this so please don't do that. And also. Point out Grammer, Spelling, Etc. Mistakes

    Always looking for guildmates.

    Fave series: Artemis Fowl, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, and er.... Hunting for others. Please recommend series. NOTE SERIES!!!!!

    Goals!!!!
    30[x] 35[x] 40[x] 50[] 60[] 70[] 80+[]
    solo pap[] solo mm[x] solo zmm[] solo king slime[x] 1st mill[] max out buddies guild[x] get nx[]

    Spoiler!

  7. #17
    Slime
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    Quote Originally Posted by gasy222 View Post
    Please don't insult me. Or else put it in white. I like my cooled down state. I'm barely like this so please don't do that. And also. Point out Grammer, Spelling, Etc. Mistakes
    If you insist...

    "Hello, I'm Artemis Fowl the Third. You may have heard of my father, Artemis Fowl the Second. He's the first human to marry an elf. I've also forgotten to tell you. There are also people under our feet. You may believe me, and you may not. It is not my job to tell you this information. It is my father's job to tell you. You may have read my father's biography. This is mine."

    *an: this is not real Artemis Fowl don't say anything about wrong info also whole story will be from Artemis point of view unless i say so*

    "Oh wow. Thank you father!" I ran all out as my father said I fianlly had my own one-of-a-kind LEP plasma screen computer. My father was a criminal mastermind when he was my age.
    You didn't explain what your father being a criminal mastermind has to do with you getting a LEP screen. Also for the readers unfamiliar with Artemis Fowl, it would help to explain that LEP stands for Lower Elements Police, otherwise they might think its a Light Emitting Polymer plasma screen computer.
    "I needed a better hobby and I've soften up over the years" My father had explained to me.

    Oh and I need to give you the gist of my father's and mother's carrer and life.

    My father kiddnapped my mother, Holly Fowl, at the age of 12. He's currently a well known criminal for his weird criminal ways that go the good side.
    My guess is that you meant for the sentence to be more like:
    He's currently a famous criminal known for his weird tendency to go on the good side.

    My mother is a LEP commander. She was the main cause of the Fowl Siege.
    It might help to give a quick hint of what the Fowl Siege was and how it was important, again to the unwashed masses who haven't read Artemis Fowl no matter how sacrilege that thought might be. ;)

    Now that you know more about them i will continue.
    We know a little, we'd like to know more.



    "You aren't like your father at all." My mother eyed me with a suspicous glance. "In his time he would meditate all the time and research.
    Last sentence was a bit confusing. A suggested edit might be:
    "He was always mediating and researching in his spare time."
    "You care about making friends and exerscing while chatting away on your cellphone."
    Suggested edit: "You on the other hand, seem to only care about making friends, exercising, and chatting on your cellphone."

    I knew that I wouldn't be like my father, but I had to be a bit different.
    Maybe expand the thoughts before you wrap up the chapter with the last sentence on how you knew you wouldn't be like your father. More dialogue with the mom?

    I certainly do NOT mean to be insulting. Seriously though, the story has potential. A lot of spelling and grammar problems can be fixed with practice. Dialogue would also help us get to know the characters. Readers like stories where they see characters talking and interacting with each other rather than just thinking to themselves.

    Keep at it and surprise me with how much better you can make this.

  8. #18
    Yes, I'm a dude Sennheiser93's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WriterInHiding View Post
    Being fanfic, he can make Artemis Fowl II marry a Hogwarts elf if thats the story he wants to make. As he is not making official canon stories, fanfic is purely alternate reality ideas so he can assume whatever he wants.



    Actually, starting a new double spaced line whenever there is a new speaker or change of dialogue is the proper format when writing a story on an internet message board. It makes it easier on the eyes to read. Manuscript form for actual publisher submission is completely different with different rules. I do agree you have a point on the spelling, grammar, and structure though and if he is committed to trying to make this a coherent story, I hope there is some more improvement.
    Actually, he not only spaced those, but he pressed enter every sentence.

    Look, plz.

    It can be good.

    Work on it before you post it for the world to hear. I was sitting in a published writer's room yesterday, watching cricket, and he would stare at the screen for ages, then write a few lines, not write down whatever came to his head.

  9. #19

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    oh well. I'll try to get better. And I can't spell a lot of words that are like 15 letters long =P

    Always looking for guildmates.

    Fave series: Artemis Fowl, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, and er.... Hunting for others. Please recommend series. NOTE SERIES!!!!!

    Goals!!!!
    30[x] 35[x] 40[x] 50[] 60[] 70[] 80+[]
    solo pap[] solo mm[x] solo zmm[] solo king slime[x] 1st mill[] max out buddies guild[x] get nx[]

    Spoiler!

  10. #20
    Jr. Necki
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    lol strange child strange child tsk tsk

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