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Thread: [ShortStory] Ninja Info Cards

  1. #1
    Crimson Balrog PhoenixRider's Avatar
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    Default [ShortStory] Ninja Info Cards

    Skipping happily out of the convenient store, I quickly drew out my mint condition Ninja Info Cards. Extremely excited, I quickly ran towards Campton Street, a shortcut towards my friends house I have not yet used.

    I cant wait till I show Tyson my Ninja Info Cards, he is gonna be totally jealous!!!

    It became apparent that the neighborhood I was running through wasn't a very clean one, there was garbage everywhere, people camping out on the street, and there were women dressed in weird looking bathing suits...and they had make up like mom did, one was even taken away inside a car, maybe she was waiting to be picked up by a friend.

    As I waited for the right time to cross the street I thought of something...

    Why show Tyson these awesome cards? he'll just end up asking me to share...yeah, I should go home and play with it first before showing that hog.

    Turning to move in the opposite direction, there seemed to be a wobbly looking man holding an unfinished bottle, right in front of me.

    " 'ey! You, what’re youu holdin' there?"

    "j-just my Ninja Info Cards" I cautiously replied.

    "heheheh, you scared o' me kid?" chuckled the rag-a-muffin

    "No!" I exclaimed, taking his laugh as a challenge.

    "well, show 'em to me" suggested the curious man.

    I proudly presented him with my cards and he seemed to be enjoying the cards as well.

    After a while of observing the deck, he reached into his pocket and picked out some shiny object, it looked like metal.

    "how 'bout you give me those cards of yours kid-
    ...
    ...
    ...
    and I'll trade ya for my silver chakra card!"

    looking straight at the shiny looking card he presented, I happily accepted.

    So the man stuffed the cards I gave him in his pocket, and I took my silver

    card and we parted.
    Extremely bored, so I just made this up on the spot.

  2. #2
    Drake bix's Avatar
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    Its ok, although has no real short story structure. Work on your grammar - 'Skipping happily out of the convenient store, I quickly drew out my mint condition Ninja Info Cards. Extremely excited, he quickly ran towards Campton Street, a shortcut towards my friends house I have not yet used.'

    (underlined) You switched from first person to third person and then back to first.

    In the bolded segment of the sentence, the words in italic are different tense. should be had. But anyways ok story.
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  3. #3
    Mushmom jiahao_94's Avatar
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    Lol, this is nice, but joo nid a plotline.
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  4. #4
    Crimson Balrog PhoenixRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bix View Post
    Its ok, although has no real short story structure. Work on your grammar - 'Skipping happily out of the convenient store, I quickly drew out my mint condition Ninja Info Cards. Extremely excited, he quickly ran towards Campton Street, a shortcut towards my friends house I have not yet used.'

    (underlined) You switched from first person to third person and then back to first.

    In the bolded segment of the sentence, the words in italic are different tense. should be had. But anyways ok story.
    thanks for the comment, I really need to double check my work when I first do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by jiahao_94 View Post
    Lol, this is nice, but joo nid a plotline.
    Meh, just a random story :V

  5. #5
    Drake bix's Avatar
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    no probs. just on a random note, can thread titles have colour codes/be a different colour?

    k, well i guess i should be going. My mega revision is being procrastinated. Temp ban for me. Cyaz
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  6. #6
    Crimson Balrog PhoenixRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bix View Post
    no probs. just on a random note, can thread titles have colour codes/be a different colour?
    Nope :|

    not at all.

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