A short story.

[RavenBlade]

I was inspired by a music video, and i thought it should be okay to write a short story.
On second thoughts, i think ill just write the start of the story for a bit.
If i still feel like developing it further, i will.



A clear tone rang across the city as the bell in the cathedral sounded. A girl stopped drawing and ran to the window. Perhaps she would see the kid she saw around the tower each time it rang. The cold structure had a aura of sadness, the girl thought, but most of the townspeople thought different. They said it was a dark aura created by pure malevolence of what had taken place many years ago. It was once a place of worship, but it got greatly damaged in a fire. There were rumors of a vampiric family living in the cathedral, but no one for the past 9 years had dared to enter and confirm the rumor.
A dark shadow flitted across the bell and the girl tensed. She would only see him for a few seconds at the top of the roof, and the boy would disappear. First, the cathedral looked like it was uninhabited. Then the next moment, a pale red haired boy stood at the very tip of the tallest of spires. He looked no older than fourteen, but his eyes seemed to radiate a sense of understanding that permeated others from a distance. Then the boy vanished again. The girl sighed and returned to her drawing. On it was a drawing in a likeness of that boy, the red hair and eyes seemed to glow realistically in the drawing. As the sun started to set, her family called her down for dinner. She quickly rolled the drawing and placed it carefully into one of the drawers of the desk and ran down.

***

5 hours later, the girl woke up with a start. She ran to the window and saw a pale light emanating from the doors of the cathedral. She ran to her parent's room and tried to wake them up.
'Mother, father, there's light coming from the cathedral!'
Her father groaned and said:
'You were dreaming.. Go back to sleep.'
Then the snoring started again.
The girl sighed and ran a hand through her lustrous blonde hair.
She would have to go and check it out alone.
She quickly dressed and ran out of the house with a small lantern.

***

Fifteen minutes later, she stood at the entrance of the cathedral. Fear gripped her, but not as much as it would for most people, as she was braver than most. Silently, she pushed the door open. The benches were in top shape, and the cathedral didn't look like it had been damaged at all. That, or it had been repaired.. She thought.
The pale light seemed to come from the blue candles mounted on the pillars, casting a unearthly glow on the place. She walked slowly towards the altar. Each footstep echoed in the place. Then she saw a red flash of hair behind the piano. She crept closer until a hiss came from somewhere behind her.
She turned around. Nobody. The hiss sounded again. Then she looked up.
The boy she had been looking at each time the cathedral bell rang now hung from a chandelier looking at her, blinking with some curiosity. He wore a black cape and two small points of sharp teeth jutted out of his mouth.
Luna felt a sense of exhilaration and fear creep into her.
Is he a vampire..?
He climbed onto the ceiling and did a backflip jump, landing with a gracefulness of a swan.
The girl moved backwards quite involuntarily. Then she realised what she was doing and chided herself for being so fearful. She took a few steps forward, surprising the boy, who tried to walk backwards but in the end stumbled and fell. The girl paused in her movements, and walked over to him.
She extended her hand towards the boy who seemed to have some sort of vampiric origin and spoke for the first time in those few minutes.
'Im Luna. What's your name?'
The boy hesitated for a moment, and then took her hand.
'Im... Raven. Raven the third.'


-------------
And that's all im gonna write for now.
*Yawn*

I probably aint going to continue it.

This is the vid:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX3DiRtOO5I[/YOUTUBE]

Futatsu No Kodou to Akai Tsumi by ON/OFF Lyrics


Akaku akaku akaku yurete
Yume no yume no hate e

Mou nando mo akiramete wa oshikorosu tabi
Ikiba no nai kanjou ga me o sama****eku
Kegare no nai sono hohoemi zankoku na hodo
Tooi sonzai da to wakaru yo

Ienai kizu kokoro mushibamu dake na no ni
Yami no (naka ni) ima mo (yadoru) omoi o osaekirenai

Akaku akaku akaku yurete
Yume no yume no hate e
Deatte shimatta unmei ga mawaridasu
Dare mo dare mo shiranai himitsu
Ochite ochite ochite
Mou modorenai tsumi o kizande mo kitto


Please rate this out of 5.
Comments appreciated.
Harsh criticism is okay. [E.G. Its not good. Keep trying. Im sure you can do better.]
Flamers, GTFO. [E.G. OMFG UR STRY SKS GTFO N KISS MY S!]


EDIT:
Since i love the MMV, i added the lyrics.

[masterchocobo]

4.5/5.

Your description's really vivid, and your sentence structures are dead-on.

You don't have that .5 cause I wanted more character development. :3 Other than that, it was a good read. Thanks for the music video! What's it called, by the way? Never mind, figured it out.

By the way, review my fics here, plz?

[RavenBlade]

Thanks a bunch. Ill take a look.
Im going to try and continue what i can for now. And anyways, im drawing closer to my 1337th post. Kekekeke.


The boy seemed to be somewhat shy, close to Luna, prefering to stay a metre or two away.
Luna had expected him to be completely indifferent and fearsome.
This vampire had displayed none of these traits so far. The vampire looked at her nervously and seemed to read her mind and blushed.
Luna rolled her eyes and made a movement to place down the lamp she held and Raven flinched.
Great. The first vampire i meet is a COWARD..., she thought.
Raven shifted his feet, in a position ready to run for safety.
'Um. Er. Luna.'
'Yes?'
'Could you let go of my hand now? Or is it some kind of custom for mortals to hold it for a time?'
Luna finally realised she was STILL grasping tightly on Raven's hand and quickly let go.
'Sorry.'
Raven jumped up and climbed onto the chandelier, looking at Luna as though she was a exotic specimen.
Then something in Luna's mind stirred.
'Wait, if you're a vampire, why are you in a CATHEDRAL!? There're crosses here and there and you're still alive!'
The boy tilted his head quizzically.
'What? Crosses? Still alive? What?'
Luna sighed.
'You're probably still alive because you're too stupid to die.' She muttered.
Raven squinted.
'I can hear you as clear as a crystal bell tolling.'
Luna gasped and blushed.
She muttered a terse apology.
Raven smiled and continued to crawl about, examining Luna from even more angles.
'You're pretty, not like the other ugly humans i expected. By the way, i'm no vampire.'
I have no idea if i should thank you or curse you for that, Luna thought, but she still blushed once more.
Luna looked around looking for a way to get up. A stair case was on her right, leading to the gallery and above.
She grabbed hems[?] of her skirt and ran up the stairs, joining Raven on the gallery.
Paintings stared out at her on the walls.
One was painted in a likeness of her.
Luna ran towards it, Raven following closely.
'Do you like it?'
'Its beautiful. But where did you see me?'
'You watch me each day, and i could sense it. I never thought once about you coming to see me, though.'
Luna winced.
'Point taken. I saw some pale light emnating from the Cathedral and ran-'
Raven's eyes widened and he quickly spoke.
'Nothing, nothing, i just lit a candle and decided to snuff it later.'
Luna's eyes squinted, but she didn't pursue the subject.

----
Thats all for now. Im growing tired.

[RavenBlade]

Bump for great evil! *Prays that mods dont warn.*

[darksidehero]

WRANGERRRRRRRR.

Sorry, aussie thing.

[RavenBlade]

So is that a good thing or a bad thing? o_o???

[Denunciator]

At first, the drawing part sounded like Numb, lol.

[RavenBlade]

Lulwat, linkinpark numb?

--------------------

The vampiric kid crawled to the ceiling as Luna started to bombarded him with questions.
'Wait, are you sure you aren't a vampire?'
'Yes.'
'Do you have a family?'
'Had.'
'Is that hair color natural?'
'What?'
'Nevermind. Is this your home?'
'Maybe.'
'Are you att- Okay, nevermind. Do you drink blood?'
Raven's face gave a innocent yet rather frightening smile.
'Maybe, Maybe not.'
'Am I-'
The boy raised a hand and Luna stopped. He ran it through his hair and sighed.
'You have as many questions as the number of leaves in a forest. Be patient and i will answer them one by one as well as i can.'
Raven smiled, showing his fangs.
Luna seemed to hesitate and decide better of delving too deep.
'You have alot of pictures here. Did you draw all of them?'
'Yes.'
Luna paused.
'Can you teach me how you do them so wonderfully? My artworks are never as good as these.'
Raven hung from the chandelier, lost in contemplation for a moment.
'I've somewhat been able to see your drawings, but not really clearly in the distance. However, from what i could make out, they are not too shabby, they're pretty done well, actually,'
Luna grinned.
Raven continued.
'I think if i teach you a little more you can do better than me, even.'
Luna gasped and shook her head.
'Impossible, these works are magnificent.'
Raven smiled again. He gestured to her painting.
'Im afraid it doesn't look as well as the real thing.'
Luna sat crosslegged on the floor and drew a imaginary face in the air and she kept pointing at each question and asked, but Raven always seemed
to give her brief answers for each. However, as Luna asked more questions, it went deeper into the night and eventually, the sun started to shine through the windows.'
The boy turned to face it.
'Day is upon us. Ill bring you back to your home.'
Luna protested.
'There's no point. I can walk back and besides, you would burn in the sun, wouldn't you?'
The boy started to laugh, a sound that made Luna smile and feel that the world was suddenly filled to the brim with happiness and peace.
'Do i look like i'm burning to you? I already told you i'm not a vampire.'
It took Luna a moment to realise he was bathed in sunlight.
'Oh.'
'Then let us wait no longer.'
He jumped down and grabbed Luna around the waist and ran to the arched window. He bent down and black feathered wings sprouted from his back.
Luna could only gasp as Raven took a step forward and sent them falling.
The floor drew closer rapidly and Luna shut her eyes tightly.
Then just a few metres from the ground, Raven flew upwards sharply and shot towards Luna's house. By the time Luna opened her eyes, they had landed on the windowsill. Luna stared at the boy that was carrying her and felt comfortable in his arms. Their eyes met. Both blushed, Raven's face redder than a red rose. He turned away and lowered her down.
As Luna got into her room, she turned.
'Ill see you again?'
Raven smiled.
'Of course.'
And with that, he spread his wings and once more flew back into what remained of the darkness.
Just as he disappeared from view, the entire city was covered in sunlight as the sun continued to rise.
A single black feather lay on the windowsill.
Luna took it and brushed the side with a finger.
She was about to throw it out of the window, and thought better of it. She opened her drawer and kept it together with her artworks.
It would be another hour before she would have to get down for breakfast.



-------
Hoped you all liked it. Didnt put much thought into it, though.

[RavenBlade]

Bump, BUMP i say, BUMP FOR GREAT JUSTICE AND FOR ME.


Plz rate kthx i lieks theez plawt.

[RavenBlade]

Lets get this on!
---

'Father?'
Luna's dad looked up, chewing a piece of bacon.
'Mmm?'
'The cathedral, what happened to it?'
He choked on his bacon and started coughing.
He breathed a few breaths before starting to reply.
'The cathedral - few would ask about the place. I know little about it, but i can tell you what has made it so... desolate.'
He took a sip of coffee before continuing.
'There was a rich family that owned the cathedral once about a century ago. They were called the Lanceas, rather famous for their generosity and it seemed that every single one of those people were highly skilled in at least one thing, for example, swordplay. They lent the cathedral to the church, and that made their standing higher. But there was a conflict that happened between one of that family and one of the priests of the church and soon after, the man who was in conflict with the church, Raven the first, he- Good heavens, be more careful Luna!'
Luna in her surprise had choked on her sandwich, coughing out bits and pieces.
'Sorry.'
Her father sighed and took a draught from his mug of coffee.
'Okay. Raven the first, he fell in love with that man's daughter. They both loved each other greatly, but once the girl's father found out, he was furious, for Raven had once entered their church and claimed salvation was a web of lies. Then he did something foolish. He spat in Raven's face when he caught him with her daughter in the town central. The Lanceas were also very famed for their fiery pride and Raven was no different. Raven slew the man on the spot and escaped to the cathedral with the daughter. Of course, the townspeople knew who they were and quickly mobbed together and attacked the Lancea family, for it is the worst offence and sin to kill.'
'Father, did they fight back?'
'Of course, they had to. They were peace lovers, maybe excluding Raven, but they could not convince the townspeople to forgive him and thus had to fight back.
Obviously, due to their skills, the townspeople had trouble, but they were in great numbers. Eventually, many lay dead in the cathedral. The rest of the townspeople escaped and less than 10 of the Lanceas remained. Raven was among them, but he had lost his to-be-wife, grief-stricken and commited suicide. The remainder of the Lancea family began to clean and repair the damage in the cathedral, and continued to live in peace and solitude for another four years. However, one morning we found the the 5 out of 6 remaining Lanceas dead. A boy survived for a time and drew the Lancea family crest with blood on one of the walls, sadly, he died a few hours later after due to a wound in the side. The man who killed and burn them all...'
Luna's dad sighed.
'Father?'
'That man... Was your great grandfather.'
Luna froze.
And then she passed out.

-----------
Kekeke.
I would have written more, but i need to recall what points am i missing.