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Thread: A Hero's Adventure.

  1. #1
    Slime Synn's Avatar
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    Default A Hero's Adventure.

    Note: This is not supposed to even compete with Kon. Just something I will be working on.

    A Hero's adventure, Hidden-street's Newest Fan-fic.

    Chapter I
    So, another hero is born? Not surprising. Around these parts, Hero's to be are really
    common. Though most of them give up, it's fun to watch their Adventures. Watching them
    grow stronger can be exciting. You COULD learn a thing or two over time. The real action
    is still the Arena, but watching them advance is fun too.

    On your stay here, you will most likely see a lot of Gladiators. These, are the
    instructors. So don't be alarmed if you see one coming toward you. Well, that's all I can tell
    you for now. Just watch your back, don't screw up, and have a nice day.

    "So, your the new guy?" A Mysterious Woman-like voice asked. "I knew you'd be a
    Crusader, your the different type" "Anyways, I'm Hellen. I will be your Room mate."
    The hero then nodded his head, agreeing on what She said. "We better suit you up."
    "Please step into this chamber over here, don't worry, I'm a good guy. I won't hurt you"
    -To be continued-------

  2. #2
    Slime Hazardux's Avatar
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    Default

    Very Nice Actually, the scene kinda seems like something outta Elder Scrolls Oblivion xD.

    But i like it kinda even though its just a start. Hope u finish and i get to see a full book -_-
    Quote Originally Posted by Hazardux
    Quote Originally Posted by firewizardjt View Post
    Necroposting is an art. It isn't bad in itself; what's bad is doing it and doing it wrong.
    So is Dancing Like Michael Jackson.

  3. #3
    Mushmom XxKiraYamatoxX's Avatar
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    Default

    A couple of grammatical errors... and total lack of character description. Don't just randomly capitalize words and skip to the next line in the middle of a sentence, it makes for a fic that looks messy.

    Edited version:
    So, another hero is born? Not surprising. Around these parts, heroes (random capitalized letter and don't get heroes confused with hero's, different meanings) to be are really (why the random line skip?) common. Though most of them give up, it's fun to watch their adventures (random capitalized letter). Watching them (why the random line skip?) grow stronger can be exciting. You COULD learn a thing or two over time. The real action (why the random line skip?) is still in (felt like it was missing something) the Arena, but watching them advance is fun too.

    On your stay here, you will most likely see a lot of Gladiators. These (unnecessary comma) are the (why the random line skip?) instructors. So don't be alarmed if you see one coming toward you. Well, that's all I can tell (why the random line skip?) you for now. Just watch your back, don't screw up, and have a nice day.

    "So, you're (don't get your and you're confused, they have different meanings) the new guy?" A mysterious (random capitalized letter) feminine (much more appropriate) voice asked. "I knew you'd be a (why the random line skip?) Crusader, you're (same as the one before) the different type (I'm not even sure how to correct this... but it's definitely wrong, and you don't need to split up these two pieces of dialogue by the same person). Anyways, I'm Hellen. I will be your roommate (random capitalized letter + mispelling, it's a single word, not two)."
    The hero then nodded his head, agreeing on what she (random capitalized letter) said. "We'd (we had. It felt like there was something missing here) better suit you up."
    "Please step into this chamber over here, don't worry, I'm a good guy. I won't hurt you (missing a fullstop)."
    -To be continued--------
    Monster Hunter Tri Status:
    - Hunter Rank: HR1 (Yay, me noob)
    - Favourite Weapon: Switch Axe
    - Current Most Proficient Weapons: Switch Axe, Hammer
    - Current Armour: Barroth Set + Lagiacrus Set
    - Current Most Hated Monster: Rathalos
    (Stop flying, wings fer' brains!)

  4. #4

    Default

    Good job Kira.

    Wish you had typed more for the chapter. Otherwise, i'll wait.
    Holiday goals : Reach level 70 on my Dual Blader l Work on Compression and Destiny Defied l Find what i've always been looking for. l Open a new door and start anew. l Break HIM. l
    Complete - Green.
    Working on it - Purple.
    Hiatus - Red.


    Hatred of you is what drives me, and i'll take solace in breaking your mind. I swear i will to whatever gods there may be, even if it's the last thing i do.

    A Crusader's Guide.
    Story : Destiny Defied.
    Idea Compilation : Compression.

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