I apologize to my fellow writers in Hidden-Street for never doing any updates, and i will now announce that i cannot-be-****ed to even bother updating HS anymore, for i prefer giving stories to my friends via MSN or in real life as in Hidden-Street, i believe i have turned into a form of ghost to some people. In simple language, my fame is minus infinity.
Now, Eternal FROSTBITE came in several older names.
Screw retyping everything. Instead, i discussed this in MSN with one of my friends. Jiahao, actually.
For wall of text, open the following spoiler. To AVOID wall of text, skip spoiler button.
Note : Correction = Me. Jiahao = Zealot.
Spoiler!1/22/2011 9:05:30 PM Correction. Zealot here's me new storeh
1/22/2011 9:05:40 PM Correction. Zealot A post-apocalyptic world
1/22/2011 9:05:44 PM Correction. Zealot but its not really ruined
1/22/2011 9:05:49 PM Correction. Zealot barely any physical damage
1/22/2011 9:05:50 PM Correction. Zealot instead
1/22/2011 9:05:55 PM Correction. Zealot a wave of.. evil?
1/22/2011 9:06:04 PM Correction. Zealot let's just say everyone becomes emotionless, yes?
1/22/2011 9:06:10 PM Correction. Zealot some kind of supernatural thing
1/22/2011 9:06:19 PM Zealot Correction. might not be supernatural
1/22/2011 9:06:22 PM Correction. Zealot they become thieves, muggers, etc, mobs rioting constantly
1/22/2011 9:06:28 PM Zealot Correction. the way this world is going it seems it'll be true
1/22/2011 9:06:30 PM Correction. Zealot not done
1/22/2011 9:06:31 PM Correction. Zealot somehow
1/22/2011 9:06:35 PM Correction. Zealot just SOMEHOW
1/22/2011 9:06:41 PM Correction. Zealot some of these have gone let's say
1/22/2011 9:06:44 PM Correction. Zealot super-evil
1/22/2011 9:06:52 PM Correction. Zealot and yes, superpowers
1/22/2011 9:06:57 PM Correction. Zealot now if you excuse the example
1/22/2011 9:07:08 PM Correction. Zealot visualize a twilight vampire's powers
1/22/2011 9:07:17 PM Correction. Zealot speed, power, and immortality.
1/22/2011 9:07:33 PM Correction. Zealot now strip away that immortality and replace it with just pure tanking power
1/22/2011 9:07:39 PM Zealot Correction. =-=
1/22/2011 9:07:41 PM Correction. Zealot not that they're really tanks, they just take alot to go down
1/22/2011 9:07:42 PM Zealot Correction. speed, power and tanking power
1/22/2011 9:07:45 PM Correction. Zealot yeah
1/22/2011 9:07:48 PM Correction. Zealot bad description
1/22/2011 9:07:50 PM Correction. Zealot still
1/22/2011 9:07:57 PM Correction. Zealot they're more or less darklords
1/22/2011 9:08:10 PM Correction. Zealot Now i will write either a story of someoen who is somehow unaffected
1/22/2011 9:08:16 PM Zealot Correction. mafia?
1/22/2011 9:08:16 PM Correction. Zealot and one of these darklords keep him/her as a pet
1/22/2011 9:08:18 PM Correction. Zealot no
1/22/2011 9:08:23 PM Correction. Zealot the darklords are so different
1/22/2011 9:08:26 PM Correction. Zealot they're "loners"
1/22/2011 9:08:32 PM Correction. Zealot and of course strong enough to take care of themselves
1/22/2011 9:08:43 PM Correction. Zealot that was the original version
1/22/2011 9:08:46 PM Correction. Zealot but it sounds so ****ing twilight
1/22/2011 9:08:50 PM Correction. Zealot 2nd version
1/22/2011 9:09:34 PM Correction. Zealot a narration of events leading to it or DURING it or before it somehow FALLS away
1/22/2011 9:09:41 PM Correction. Zealot which personally will be extra hard to do
1/22/2011 9:09:46 PM Correction. Zealot and quite boring anyway
1/22/2011 9:09:47 PM Zealot Correction. ...... narration of events leading to
1/22/2011 9:09:52 PM Zealot Correction. make that part 2
1/22/2011 9:09:53 PM Correction. Zealot take your pick
1/22/2011 9:10:03 PM Zealot Correction. uh
1/22/2011 9:10:03 PM Zealot Correction. you do the first version as part 1
1/22/2011 9:10:04 PM Correction. Zealot which storyline
1/22/2011 9:10:10 PM Correction. Zealot so that means that stupid twilight idea
1/22/2011 9:10:12 PM Correction. Zealot bo pian, okay
1/22/2011 9:10:20 PM Zealot Correction. modify it
1/22/2011 9:10:20 PM Zealot Correction. somehow? O-o
1/22/2011 9:10:21 PM Correction. Zealot male or female
1/22/2011 9:10:26 PM Correction. Zealot or same gender
1/22/2011 9:10:26 PM Zealot Correction. second part can be a continuation
1/22/2011 9:10:30 PM Correction. Zealot same gender is a bit odd.
1/22/2011 9:10:39 PM Zealot Correction. then you can take a nice shot at society
1/22/2011 9:10:39 PM Zealot Correction. just a bit homo
1/22/2011 9:10:39 PM Zealot Correction. well
1/22/2011 9:10:40 PM Zealot Correction. >_>
1/22/2011 9:10:40 PM Correction. Zealot guy guy may be a bit creepily gay
1/22/2011 9:10:52 PM Correction. Zealot girl girl will make it a bit fanservice sounding
1/22/2011 9:10:57 PM Correction. Zealot *shudder*
1/22/2011 9:11:01 PM Correction. Zealot well?
1/22/2011 9:11:12 PM Zealot Correction. make it less creepy
1/22/2011 9:11:17 PM Correction. Zealot not a chance
1/22/2011 9:11:20 PM Correction. Zealot its a dark story
1/22/2011 9:11:22 PM Correction. Zealot my trademark
1/22/2011 9:11:25 PM Correction. Zealot so which gender
1/22/2011 9:11:36 PM Zealot Correction. well guyguy then
1/22/2011 9:11:40 PM Correction. Zealot okay
1/22/2011 9:11:41 PM Zealot Correction. i rather that than fanservice
1/22/2011 9:11:43 PM Correction. Zealot now
1/22/2011 9:11:45 PM Correction. Zealot the guy
1/22/2011 9:11:56 PM Correction. Zealot innocent sort or curious and determined to find out what happened
1/22/2011 9:12:18 PM Zealot Correction. innocence makes it darker don't you think
1/22/2011 9:12:22 PM Correction. Zealot no
1/22/2011 9:12:22 PM Zealot Correction. undertones of bdsm is always welcome
1/22/2011 9:12:25 PM Correction. Zealot with innocence
1/22/2011 9:12:28 PM Correction. Zealot lmao
1/22/2011 9:12:40 PM Correction. Zealot with innocence will make it gay gay twilight
1/22/2011 9:12:43 PM Correction. Zealot comprende?
1/22/2011 9:12:52 PM Zealot Correction. oh ****
1/22/2011 9:12:52 PM Zealot Correction. -.-
1/22/2011 9:12:59 PM Correction. Zealot but yes, distinctively darker
1/22/2011 9:13:17 PM Correction. Zealot i shall mull over that myself
1/22/2011 9:13:18 PM Correction. Zealot now
1/22/2011 9:13:24 PM Correction. Zealot the were several names
1/22/2011 9:13:36 PM Zealot Correction. don't use Edward
1/22/2011 9:13:38 PM Correction. Zealot the twilight sounding one was called Purifying a God Of Darkness
1/22/2011 9:13:38 PM Zealot Correction. whatever you do
1/22/2011 9:13:55 PM Correction. Zealot which failed, and sounded like some bella trying to turn edward vegetarian
1/22/2011 9:13:55 PM Zealot Correction. WOR
1/22/2011 9:14:00 PM Correction. Zealot WOR?
1/22/2011 9:14:01 PM Zealot Correction. YES
1/22/2011 9:14:02 PM Zealot Correction. LOL
1/22/2011 9:14:04 PM Correction. Zealot no thanks
1/22/2011 9:14:06 PM Correction. Zealot wont work
1/22/2011 9:14:06 PM Zealot Correction. worrrrr
1/22/2011 9:14:08 PM Correction. Zealot wait
1/22/2011 9:14:16 PM Correction. Zealot These were the revamped ones
1/22/2011 9:14:27 PM Correction. Zealot Wandering Dark Gods in the NIGHT
1/22/2011 9:14:38 PM Correction. Zealot Eternal FROSTINESS/Eternal FROSTBITE
1/22/2011 9:14:57 PM Correction. Zealot Frostbite because it could be later the codename for it's archives in the aftermath, if any
1/22/2011 9:15:07 PM Correction. Zealot the last one would be
1/22/2011 9:15:13 PM Correction. Zealot Prayers Of Eternal Night
1/22/2011 9:15:17 PM Correction. Zealot which could be the beginning
1/22/2011 9:15:19 PM Correction. Zealot because
1/22/2011 9:15:21 PM Correction. Zealot everyone somehow
1/22/2011 9:15:31 PM Correction. Zealot PRAYED for time to stop
1/22/2011 9:15:38 PM Correction. Zealot it happened with the darkness side effect
1/22/2011 9:15:41 PM Correction. Zealot okay, im done
1/22/2011 9:16:10 PM Correction. Zealot Well?
1/22/2011 9:17:48 PM Correction. Zealot Go on.
1/22/2011 9:17:57 PM Correction. Zealot Im itching to draft up the first chapter
1/22/2011 9:19:58 PM Zealot Correction. o_o
1/22/2011 9:20:09 PM Zealot Correction. frostbite? O_O
1/22/2011 9:20:23 PM Correction. Zealot Eternal FROSTBITE?
1/22/2011 9:20:34 PM Zealot Correction. ..... prayers of eternal night is a good name for the prologue yest
1/22/2011 9:20:34 PM Zealot Correction. that's okay...
1/22/2011 9:20:34 PM Zealot Correction. i guess
1/22/2011 9:20:34 PM Zealot Correction. O-o
1/22/2011 9:20:57 PM Correction. Zealot ..
1/22/2011 9:21:00 PM Correction. Zealot Eternal FROSTBITE it is
Now, i have posted this because i need opinions on how to improve the story. I have noticed a sharp deterioration of my writing ability, which can also just be translated into simple language :
- 9001 INT
+ 9001 STUPID
Spoiler!ORIGINAL DRAFTS WITHIN SPOILER :
I scanned them on. Please excuse poor handwriting as most was drafted up in a hurry.
The final picture at the end is the questions i cannot answer myself. I am not sure of what to use. Not very decisive, as you should know.
First draft : Which was obviously a failure. only outline of story worked. otherwise scrapped.
Second draft : Better. Still working on it, but i lack detail to proceed.
QUESTIONS : As listed
This is the typed-out version, which is IMPROVED.
It isn't too hard to read the scanned versions, it's just that you're TOO LAZY TO FIGURE IT OUT. No matter.
I hope you enjoy this story.
================================================== =========
eternal FROSTBITE
================================================== =========
chapter i. Of gods and zombies.
Spoiler!Screams rang across the yard as metal rasped on metal. A twenty odd assortment of men and women were hammering away at a pair of solid iron doors, belonging to what appeared to be a fortified mansion. The windows were a series of iron bars criss-crossing each other, with enough electricity running through them to knock out a bull elephant. The walls that marked the perimeter of the yard were covered with barbed wire, that too was electrified and it's surfaces had been painted over to remove or hide any handholds or footholds. Doors were reinforced with strips of iron metal. Anti-personnel mines were scattered and hidden across the yard. The only place that seemed to be untouched by this paranoia was the roof and chimney. However, the roof was actually one of the most reinforced areas and if one were to attempt entering via the chimney, they would find it ended only in a sealed, iron spike-filled bottom.
In any case it was obvious someone didn't want anyone inside.
The men and women that continued their relentless attempt at forcing their way in KNEW that there was SOMETHING in there. They SMELLED it, a scent that seemed to override their minds with bloodlust. A few bodies lay close by, some whom too weak to continue this, some who apparently failed to climb the wall and some simply dead. One BODY, if that was what one could call it, lay in several pieces, and only a idiot wouldn't be able to link it to the fresh blood that stained the clothes and skin of the mob. However, whoever somehow made it past the walls, the electric wiring, the hidden landmines scattered in the yard, one would find that in the backyard was a little shed which was too, covered by reinforcing strips of metal and more. It's door was of pure iron, and it's only window was one made of several layers of mesh wire, that only allowed air to enter and escape, but no one could see what was inside. Past these, within the shed one would find a blackened floor with a lingering stench of blood and ashes. In fact, some charred remains lay scattered on the floor. Such things speak of something mental, something evil, and something very, very much less than human.
*
The said occupant of the building was at the moment in a whitewashed and barren room, reclined in the only furniture in there - a chair grafted from stone - in a peaceful slumber. The room however, echoed memories of hate, pain and despair, lingering on as the testament of the dark history the building had seen. The THING in the chair slept on, lost in dreams of what was more than just dreams. Then, the shouts from the outside seemed to cease. Silence hovered over for a moment. Then the shouts began again, with renewed enthusiasm, accompanied by jeers and shrieks of laughter one would hear from the mentally unsound. The noises began to fade away again. That's when something out there let a piercing cry for help.
The thing in the chair stirred.
For the first time in days, HE moved.
*
Llednar fled as soon as he saw them. He dropped his pack and began to run for his life, for the mob of... 'things' had noticed him. He couldn't remember why he was afraid of them initially. That was until one of them howled like a wolf in his pack hunting down a deer. Some ran cackling madly, some wielding homemade weapons or knives and even one or two of them ran on all fours, making the whole group look like the possessed. One of them overtook her kind and stabbed shrieking that 'he' was mine. Llednar continued, curving round a corner. Then like something out of a bad movie, he found himself at a dead end. He turned, only to find them already at the entrance. Surrounded by walls on three sides, and approaching death in front of him, he backed up against the wall. He cursed and drew his pistol. As he attempted to load it, a shadow fell over him and he looked up.
All he could do was scream as his death swooped down upon him.
chapter ii. white empty spaces.
Spoiler!Leon awoke with a start. White. That was the colour of his surroundings, so white that it nearly blinded him. He felt refreshed and clean for the first time in days – rest was something he could not afford most of the time, for each moment of passing time meant a chance for him to die at the hands of THEM. But here? Here he could rest. There was a chance that they couldn’t get him here, and that was saying something. He felt at peace, and began to start thinking about what had transpired within the past two days. As Leon did so, he was oblivious to the footsteps that sounded, and once more a shadow fell over him.
*
It all happened so quick that Leon nearly couldn’t comprehend what happened. As the shadow fell over him, the THINGS stopped in their tracks, unwilling to come closer, snarling, cursing and screaming expletives at the man that now stood before him. The man was dressed in a black suit and carried a long, sharp serrated knife of carbon-steel. A scent of blood wafted from the blade. His hair was like a flowing void, tied up into a ponytail with a silver ring in place of a hairband. The man glanced once at Leon with navy blue eyes, then turned back his attention on the creatures, which now fell silent except for the faintest of hissing.
The creatures hesitated as the man took a step towards them. Then they snarled once more, and lunged at the lone man. Cold metal hacked through bone and sinew. The man -no, THING- seemed to move with an unnatural speed, hacking through the creatures like a man cutting through undergrowth in a jungle. For every swipe the creatures made, be it with weapon or bare hands, it appeared that the thing had been able to dodge all of their attacks. Leon stood there the whole time, rooted and entranced by the thing’s unnatural grace. In under a minutes, the one-sided battle was over, blood, flesh and bone scattered and splattered around.
Then the thing turned his gaze to Leon.
Leon turned around to face the wall and desperately began to climb the wall, then as he nearly reached the top of the 4 meter tall wall lost his grip, falling to the ground.
Then everything went black.
*
The shadow shifted.
"So you're awake."
Leon blinked, and turned to face the shadow. It was that man from before.
"That was quite a fall you made." said the... human?
Leon lifted a hand to his bandaged forehead. "Yes."
The man chuckled. It felt cold. "Weren't you afraid of me earlier?"
"If you wished to harm me, i would be by now, would i not?"
The man gave a cold smile.
"You would never know if i did."
Leon laughed.
"So what form of torture or demented things are you planning to do to me?"
The man's smiled.
"Nothing. You just pique my interest." The man spun on his heels. "Now get up and follow me. We have much to talk about."
Leon was unaccustomed to taking orders, but instinct told him to get up anyway.
A man like this? Not worth taking any risks around him.
The man proceeded to a wall of the white room and pushed. A rectangular doorway appeared where he pushed, sliding out to make an opening into the outside. As Leon followed him, he realized the "door" the man pushed out
was actually a two-meter thick solid block of stone. The man waited for him to step out before pushing the block in, grating as it slid in.
Leon examined his surroundings, being in what appeared to be a Victorian-fashioned Study room, dimly lit by a single lamp. A gently smoking cup of tea sat on an antique-looking coffee-table. The man silently gestured towards the sofa, where it sat bathed in feeble moonlight and dust from a nearby window.
Thank you.
Rei