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Thread: English CP Essay

  1. #1
    Green Bean rasudoken's Avatar
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    Default English CP Essay

    So, I apparently failed my English essay for my College Prep English Class.
    Also, apparently everyone in my class also failed/did horribly on it (even the smartest student of all her English CP class got a 70 on it, but got an 80 out of sympathy. Her other classes apparently were decent.)

    My teacher didn't even GRADE my essay. I do pretty decently in the class, even my other classmates who either are not as smart as me (or so they claim) or BSed it got a grade on it (65/100). The teacher didn't even bother giving me a 50 or anything.

    I reread my essay and didn't find anything TOO BAD with it. But she's the teacher :\



    Red = Concrete Detail
    Green = Commentary
    Blue = Thesis/Topic Sentence

    So without further trouble, here it is
    Spoiler!

    *Every paragraph is indented


    Okay to be fair, I waited until the last day to work on the last 4 paragraphs (out of 5), and didn't get help from the teacher, BUT COME ON, AT LEAST GIVE ME A 50 OR SOMETHING. WAS IT THAT TERRIBLE? Hell, many other people in my class wrote the essays with ENGLISH SO TERRIBLE THAT EVEN A MENTALLY-IMPAIRED PERSON WOULDN'T SAY/WRITE. PLEASE DON'T GROUP ME WITH THEM.

    I'll get pictures of what the others were written tomorrow just to back up my little rant.
    by Cryopon

  2. #2
    Phantom Watch Omar Ranger's Avatar
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    Geez why do so many people i know in English CP have to do The Great Gatsby?

    AP is harder and better. Try it.
    Spoiler!

    Spoiler!

    Quote Originally Posted by kaglover1 View Post
    But now I'm like screw that, I'm skipping to the part where Bella finally combines with Edward

  3. #3
    Luck kaglover1's Avatar
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    Ouch, what did she give you? Our english teacher uses A>P>E for the essay layout (Argument-Proof-Explanation)

  4. #4
    stop trying
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    Did you get marks off for the length? Even in grade 9, my essays exceeded 2 pages single-spaced, dude.

  5. #5
    Green Bean rasudoken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaglover1 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by rasudoken View Post
    My teacher didn't even GRADE my essay
    Ouch, what did she give you? Our english teacher uses A>P>E for the essay layout (Argument-Proof-Explanation)
    a n/a over 100 would be pretty safe to assume, since you can't get a 0 if she didn't grade it.


    Anyways, my School does it Argument -> Proof -> Commentary.

    Quote Originally Posted by KittySamurai View Post
    Did you get marks off for the length? Even in grade 9, my essays exceeded 2 pages single-spaced, dude.
    She doesn't mark us off for length of essay.
    by Cryopon

  6. #6
    We're in a heap o'trouble Tesiqurasa's Avatar
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    I don't know the grading specifics, but I guess I'll do my best to explain why your teacher may have been dissatisfied with the work. Unless this was supposed to be a 4+ page essay, it by no means deserves a 0. There was at least some amount of work put into the paper, and that should be recognized in some way. Did your teacher give you any feedback regarding your main point?

    1. The examples of God's name being used "in vain" are rather weak, or at least the context surrounding them is weak. Your very first point highlights deception more than divine desecration. Although I have not read TGG for years, this point doesn't necessarily fit your thesis. Granted, you could probably make some connections, but I don't think that was done effectively here. It would have been much stronger had you focused on facades (which you inadvertently seem to do) instead of the idea that god is dead. Believe me, there are countless allusions to this idea throughout the book, but you don't really hit on them.

    2. You probably should have focused more on the adultery topic to highlight "god is dead". Of the examples you present (although like I said, there are many better ones), this would probably be the strongest. You need to assume that your readers are not religious though. Simply saying, "marriage rule established by God" is not enough. You need more direct examples from the text to support this. Did Fitzgerald actually believe marriage was a "sacred" institution? Does that tie into the idea of a divine figure? How? Give examples.

    3. The final point strays a bit from the topic. You first hit on the "facades" put on by man, but drift into another idea. Facades do nothing to save you in the end. Iirc, Fitzgerald placed far greater emphasis on this (in the context of those examples) than the idea that "god is dead."

    4. The conclusion is good as a second half. You still need to tie those concrete examples together and bring closure to the paper. Remember, even if you're just writing an "essay" exam, you still need to persuade your teacher to some degree. The rhetoric chosen wasn't very effective in doing that.

    In general, you probably should have expanded and explained your ideas to a much greater degree. That said, I do not think it deserves a 0. Unless you completely broke from the guidelines, you did put forth some amount of effort in completing the assignment. Is this necessarily an "A" paper? Probably not for a college prep course. Was this unworthy of mention? No. The teacher should have at least given you feedback, even if he/she didn't give you a chance to redo.


    Edit:
    Super sniped...
    Does "no grade" actually transfer over as a 0 or do you get to redo it?


    Spoiler!



  7. #7
    Amdinistrator turles's Avatar
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  8. #8
    Blue bird of friendliness penguinzrock's Avatar
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    To be fair, The Great Gatsby hardly addressed the question of religion at all.

    It was more focused on the American Dream, the lost generation, and class separation in American society than anything else.
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  9. #9
    We're in a heap o'trouble Tesiqurasa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penguinzrock View Post
    To be fair, The Great Gatsby hardly addressed the question of religion at all.

    It was more focused on the American Dream, the lost generation, and class separation in American society than anything else.
    He could have found various allusions within the text to argue it, but I think the biggest problem is that his examples presented the idea of facades more than anything. I don't know if he was allowed to do additional research, but there would be ways to tie TGG to countless other American Romantic or Deist texts. I've heard that argument presented in pretty effective ways, but I don't think a quick 5 paragraph essay would ever do it justice.
    He definitely could have accomplished his goal if he had managed to tie "the american dream" back to early Puritan ideals xP

    It seemed like Peter was arguing a completely different topic, especially with the 2nd and 4th paragraphs.
    Last edited by Tesiqurasa; 26th April 2011 at 07:00 AM.


    Spoiler!



  10. #10
    Luck kaglover1's Avatar
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    Really our grade 12 ISU essay needed to be 1500-2000 words, roughly 6 or more pages double spaced. And the great gatsby was in our January exam, and we needed one element in common for all 6 reads. And i chose religion and managed to succeed the exam

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