I have a family that's ailing. My parents don't also get along, but besides that, I have a dad that's at least 100 pounds overweight. I'm more interested with spending as much time as possible with them, since at one point I did have a fairly frequent job, and the guy had me work on New Years, when my dad was suffering from what looked like a heart attack (it turned out he overworked himself chopping wood, but I wasn't around to see it happen, because I was working nights and mornings). So I've decided job comes second, at the expense that if my dad dies, I'll pretty much have no safety net and end up on the street.
I work part-time for people. I mean really part time. Maybe nine hours a week if I'm lucky, at $10 an hour. I'd do more, but see above. And every time I have a decent job (I had one part time that gave me 14+ hours a week, and I was actually making money), I screw it up, because I don't want to juggle main job and secondary job, and so if this guy tries to give me more hours, I say no and in response he gives me less hours. I just want my schedule to stay exactly the same. I don't want "flexible shifts" and I don't want more hours. So I'm left go from a paying job, because I made a choice apparently no sane person would make (well, technically he was without jobs for anyone because a hurricane knocked out his business). Only, nobody else in there seemed to be expected to make this choice. The girl working with me on the fourteen hour drive? She took off Wednesdays (to work on her own business) while I kept that day, and didn't wanna work Tuesdays. She got to keep her Thursday job while I got mine shunted to a migrant. Why? Probably because they knew each other from farmer's markets.
So after the hurricane wiped out that job, I decided to try to get into a new field. I attended classes for Viticulture/Enology. I managed to pass the course with good enough grades to supposedly write it on my record, through luck and hard work (hard work for the project, where it turned out I did way more than needed, luck for the tests, which had random scores for each question and certain stuff I had to guess at). I apply to several vineyards (mainly because it's expensive to grow my own, and we haven't even an acre for winegrowing), only to find out that many of them either aren't interested, or would be interested but for a stupid move on the local wood mill making them partially or completely shut down leaving several people out of work, and they normally use vineyards as a backup job (this was explained to me in great detail by a very honest employer). There are very few vineyards left to try.
So yesterday, I get a call from my Viticulture teacher (turns out he doesn't seem to have openings either, by the fact that he suggested I look at other people for work at the place), offering me to go to a Wine Expo. So for eight hours or so, I'm serving wine, and supposed to be asking around but most of the places I checked were at least a two hour commute, for very seasonal work. I seriously don't know what my life's about anymore. Also, I met more girls than I'd ever seen in my life, only to come to the conclusion rather suddenly that as attractive as these girls were (and many of them looked downright fine), mainly what they were into was wine, and attractive tipsy women are downright scary.
I'm kinda depressed right now, and need to talk to someone. But given the track record of this site, I'll probably get insulted for this thread (as in others like it). "Quit your whining." I've briefly considered suicide, but Just Say No. I have a family who would actually care what happens to me. Including a newborn nephew named Oliver, who despite having incredibly annoying toys, is kinda cute. I'd not want this kid to turn out as screwed up as I am (which would definitely happen if I suddenly decided to end it all). So, stuck in a life where no matter what I pursue, nothing seems to fit together properly. I guess I'll just go with it.
What Am I Doing?
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Originally Posted by Bishopz
