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Thread: Girl Issues

  1. #11
    Phantom Watch Omar Ranger's Avatar
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    Don't waste your time because you'll end up heartbroken.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaglover1 View Post
    But now I'm like screw that, I'm skipping to the part where Bella finally combines with Edward

  2. #12
    Daeari Dae314's Avatar
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    I'm in the midst of my first ever experience getting past the first date so I'm not the most experienced person to ask either, but I will give you some advice based on the girls I've analyzed over the years and my current relationship. However also note that I'm saying this from an American view.

    I'll address your questions first (especially that birthday one, the 17th is like 11 days from now).

    1) Always be friendly unless there's a reason to be mad at her (or you're playing games, but you should be well past the game playing stage). First and foremost you should aim to have and keep a friendship. That's been my major mistake through high school, and probably my biggest regret. It's not worth losing a friend over a failed relationship.

    2) Present... if you want to be bold, contact her now (via cell phone if you have it) and ask her out somewhere to get lunch (or whatever's the least formal/most appropriate meal in Japan). Bring something small that maybe you made (just a card maybe?). If she's not available on the day of her birthday try to get an earlier day rather than a later one. The main thing you want to do here is re-establish a friendly relationship. The best case scenario here would be to have a friendly lunch with light conversation and part ways saying "see you in school". It may also help if you make it into a party and invite some of your mutual friends.

    If you're not that bold then mail or hand deliver a card (flowers? that might be too much). I wouldn't go over the top or think too hard on this.

    Nothing is also acceptable in this circumstance.

    3) From your narrative, I get the vibe that she's clearly not interested. There's no reason to continue going out unless there's a special occasion (like her birthday). However there's no reason to drop any and all connection to her. If you want to try and win her back, you're best bet will probably be to approach slowly. Establish a friendship (as I've been saying over and over sorry >.<), then wait for her to either give you signals or respond to you (not you to her). If she never does or if someone else comes along in the meantime, I would pursue a relationship with someone else. Perhaps the introduction of competition might even make her realize that she's a little jealous and really would like to get back with you o.O'''.

    In my experience with failing to get a girlfriend, I believe your relationship is fitting the bill of "failure". A relationship cannot survive one sided (if it does it's going to turn into a poisonous relationship). If she does not reciprocate after (what is it now 6 months of dating?) then she's probably not interested in you as you are right now. That doesn't mean you'll never get her attention, it just means she doesn't care for you right now. Over the years you will change, and over the years she will change. Perhaps in the future your lives will intertwine more naturally, and at that time you will be able to begin to grow/change together. Mutual attraction doesn't need to be present from the start, but it does need to develop. You were fortunate that she was open to dating you to give a chance for affection to take hold in the relationship, but it didn't. Now's the time to take a step back and pursue a deeper friendship. In the meantime, re-evaluate what your wants are, re-evaluate who you are, and re-evaluate what you think she wants. Does she fit you? Do you fit her? Maybe you can think of someone else who might fit better.

    Some happy quotes to make you feel a tiny bit better.
    Last edited by Dae314; 7th August 2012 at 01:10 PM.


  3. #13
    Slime Grace's Avatar
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    i agree with tesi & omar.

    don't get her a present, you'll look desperate. and for future ref, be friends first before jumping into a relationship.


    hehehe

    solelygrace+saiarain <3

  4. #14
    Phantom Watch Omar Ranger's Avatar
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    Seriously don't try Blank. Even if this girl agrees to go along with you or anything she might just pull you along for over 3 years and one day in a cold November she just drops contact with you so randomly you thought something happened to her. In reality she just tells her friends that she told you it's over when you had no idea whatsoever since she didn't even bother telling you herself. You will be constantly wondering if she dumped you or if something tragic happened to her for like over half a year but you'll know in the back of your mind that she just pulled you along for 3 years and then tossed you aside like garbage. Don't waste your time, they won't be the happiest time because it's just unfair to you. She'll just suck the life out of you and make you feel like you should never waste your time with relationships ever again since in the end they more often than not end like this. It's the worst and you don't want to go through that.
    Spoiler!

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaglover1 View Post
    But now I'm like screw that, I'm skipping to the part where Bella finally combines with Edward

  5. #15
    IAちゃんまじかわイア blankaex's Avatar
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    @Dae
    How philosophical. You're making it sound like I'm distancing myself from her though. It's actually quite the opposite - she's blocked and deleted me off every social network we had in common, and hasn't made an effort to try to communicate with me for months. I don't know what she's up to. I don't think she's mad at me. The most likely scenario I can come up with is that she is trying to help me get over her, since I always made a point to tell her how much I liked her. It's probably going to be pretty awkward at school now. And she very likely won't pick up my calls or reply to my texts. And she's not exactly too keen on going out with me, with just the two of us, I'm pretty sure. Especially after she ended it with me, it'd be like I'm asking her on a date again - probably not the best idea. I think I'll just wish her a happy birthday when school starts on August 23rd, and maybe drop a card into her locker or something.

    @Omar
    Blunt way to put it, but I totally follow. Kind of pessimistic, I think? But nonetheless, it probably could be true. I'm not really trying to win her back in the first place anyway.



  6. #16
    Always the Bridesmaid... bulmabriefs144's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blankaex View Post
    @OrangeGuy & MintPanda
    Thanks for the advice. Like everyone else, a slightly different and slightly similar perspective, good to think about. Much appreciated.

    @Bulma
    I read the post again, and you're still not helping. I'm not asking for social standards in Japan/Asia, since, you know, I'm Asian, I've lived in different parts of Asia for almost 3 years now, and I've been living in Japan for almost a year? I'm pretty sure I have that all under my belt. That's not what I wanted, I just asked for what people think is a good way to behave in my current situation. I didn't ask about Chinese cops or Spanish Inquisition or whatever other irrelevant stuff your post is filled of.
    Yes, Tesi and the others are right. But you won't learn anything about yourself (or her) from their advice. Mkay, screw cultural standards, and let's forget my entire first and second post. Mind wipe, they never happened. Let's look at your heavily spoilered post here. (Comments in blue)

    Spoiler!


    Yea, that's basically my take on the whole thing. I'm sure you'll say it's "still not helpful" but this time I analyzed word for word what you said. So that would make me either extremely wrong, or you in denial.

    Dae is spot on. Relationships should evolve naturally. At some point in my life I realized I'm not really cut out for relationships (not without a serious personality overhaul), because the same traits that lead to my creativity in generally anything I put my hand to also make me an extreme overmanager.

    The very last thing I had, I was so sick of this trend that I forced myself to be largely held back. It was alot closer to a healthy relationship, and the girl seemed genuinely interested. I still ended up breaking her heart, as I went and hugged some other girl (don't ask, I was feeling insecure or something).
    Last edited by bulmabriefs144; 7th August 2012 at 04:39 PM.

  7. #17
    IAちゃんまじかわイア blankaex's Avatar
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    This time, it’s actually related. Replies in normal colour.
    Spoiler!



  8. #18
    Daeari Dae314's Avatar
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    I'm not saying that you're doing the distancing, I'm saying that you SHOULD be doing some distancing.


  9. #19
    IAちゃんまじかわイア blankaex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dae314 View Post
    I'm not saying that you're doing the distancing, I'm saying that you SHOULD be doing some distancing.
    That works then, because I haven't tried to talk to her for the past three months either.



  10. #20

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    Don't be annoying and try not to show her that you are that much into her; otherwise, she will lose interest if she still has one. Be nice and friendly but restrained. Don't show her everything that's in your head. Meanwhile, give her green light. All in all, act like 'I like you and you are free to come back to me, but I may change my mind. I'm not obsessed with you'.

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