Shallowness/Beauty

[miscross]

So I'm kind of a vain person. I don't go out of my way to "look pretty", because I am pretty and I am accepting of how I look. Other people may or may not think I'm pretty, but I don't care too much about their opinions. So we've established my opinion on myself, but what about my opinions on others?

Since about ninth grade or so, I've tried my best to live the "Do unto others as you want done unto you" lifestyle. It's not easy, and it's not rewarding at all, but I try my best. Regarding how other people look, I don't mind or care too much. Some people are just born the way they are. No one chooses the features they were born with. And not everyone can afford or have access to beauty products.

Okay so I have a pretty good self-esteem, and I respect how other people look. But then what about people on the really bottom and really top of the beauty ladder? I don't like it, but sometimes I find myself struck with awe and admiration when I come across someone who completely fits my beauty bill. And then there are times I find myself struck with cringe and confusion when I come across someone with polar opposite qualities, of which my mind decides to judge as "ugy".

Compared to other people, my daily choice of words may seem a little sugarcoated. So with that in mind, when I say "ugly", it may possibly come out as a much ruder word from someone else. In this case, I am obviously not respecting the described person. I don't think I've ever encountered a situation like this in real life, but my mind did make rude comments at some pictures I've seen on the internet, which are portrayals of real people. And this really bothers me. Realistically (psychologically? I can't think of the correct word) speaking, macro-organisms do favor those of higher beauty. But I don't want to be a person who pass my judgement of beauty onto others. But I just can't help it sometimes. Taking all this into account, am I even more shallow than an average person for trying to force this idea onto myself? Is it okay for me to think like this? I don't do this to be a "good person", but because I wouldn't want people to pass their judgements of beauty onto me (which is a pretty selfish reason).

Not sure if relevant or not, but sometimes I think up simulations in my head about my future. What about a lover? I keep telling myself that I'd be okay with anyone as long as their personality fits. But I have certain conditions of beauty for a hypothetical lover where I cannot be with her, even if she was everything perfect. I can't see myself being with someone at an obese or anorexic level (I'm okay with pudgy, chubby, and skinny. Fat would be pushing it though). I also can't see myself being with someone on a high level of beauty as well, even if they reciprocate my feelings and have the ideal personality, simply because I'd think I'm not beautiful enough myself compared to them. Apparently there is some messed up double standards here against myself.

And then children. I have no idea how much I'd love my children if they did not meet my standards of beauty, or if I had one child meet the standards and the other child didn't.

I also try my best to not sexualize my standards of beauty (because beauty is beauty and not sex), which is why I always separate words like "hot" and "sexy" from other adjectives like "cute", "gorgeous", "pretty", etc.

I'm not a saint, but perhaps I'm showing signs of trying too hard to be one [mentally]?


I'm not particularly looking for a specific answer and whatnot. I just wanted to get this off my chest. But feel free to comment and/or discuss on the issue.

[Tesiqurasa]

It seems pretty normal to look for a seemingly healthy person. Anyone who says they focus strictly on personality is lying, because often appearance shows quite a bit about personality. An extremely overweight or underweight person probably won't be attractive to most people, and that's normal. Denying the fact that "vain" judgement happens doesn't help. Recognizing that the judgement exists is important to overcoming its power over you.

[emailbox]

i like aesthetically pleasing things

but i'm also a rather fierce narcissist and disdain things and people that i don't consider attractive. that's not to say i hate ugly people, just that it takes me longer to get friendly with a less physically attractive person than a more physically attractive person. it's well noted that sexuality and beauty aren't the same and shouldn't be grouped together. i've seen ugly as **** people have bomb bodies and ridiculously attractive people have shriveled ones. in the end i think the person's personality wins; i could be friendly with a lovely looking person but if they're an asshat then i'll end up distancing myself from them. the opposite is true for not-so-lovely looking people with wonderful personalities.