Rasu's Writing Pieces

[rasudoken]

This thread is now about Rasu's writing. The writing pieces is generally more focused on the writing than the delivered story/prompt. Scores next to the prompts indicate how well I think I wrote, with 5 being "written pretty well" and 1 being "poorly written". I try to write in different styles, which is probably a bad thing since I'm trying to improve my writing.


Tesi's Prompt: "write a sales description for the best peanut butter sandwich" 2

Spoiler!

It’s rough, being a salesman. Every day I walk door-to-door in the neighborhoods I’m assigned, trying to sell peanut butter sandwiches. It’s miserable actually, but I didn’t go to college after high school and I don’t have money now for college. I gotta pay for food and rent somehow. It just feels like I’m stuck in a dune of peanut butter. My name is Michael Jinx and I’m a miserable salesman.

“Hello sir, if I may just…”WHAM
“Good day madam, I’d like to talk to you about…” WHAM
“Excuse me; is there an adult in the house?” “Daddy said not to talk to strangers.”

Every house I go to, they all just shut the door on me. I was just barely able to pay the rent last month, and I had to get my grubs from Mother’s house. Riiinnng. “Hello? Hey Boss. Yeah everything is going fine! No problems here! What’s that? Come back to the office? Uh, sure, I’m on my way.” This can’t be good. Something bad is gonna go down.

Our company isn’t very big. We have maybe thirty salesmen. I never quite understood how a company like this lasted for twenty years. Especially when they specialize in selling peanut butter sandwiches. I was always last in ranking in terms of sales made. In short, the worst salesman here.

“Jinx. I’m sure you know why I called you in.”
“Um, I don’t think I do.”
“You suck.”
“Excuse me Boss?”
“You. Suck. Your sales suck.”
“But Boss, it’s not easy selling peanut butter sandwiches door to door.”
“The others could do it with ease Jinx. You’re the oddball out. And if you’re not useful to this company. Then we don’t need you.”
“Boss! Please!”
“You’re fired…Just kidding!”
*sigh of relief*
“From now on you’ll be Davidson’s assistance. He’s in Cubicle 4. Go see him. He’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
“Thanks Boss.”

So, I’ll be Davidson’s assistance huh? He said that I’ll be helping him drive around, hand out brochures and flyers, and man-handling the merchandise. Unlike my old commission-based salary, I’ll be on a fixed income, just enough for rent and grubs. I’m kind of looking forward to tomorrow, the day I start. How exactly does everyone else manage to sell peanut butter sandwiches so well?
“So I hear you’re pretty bad at selling stuff.”
“Well, it’s not easy selling peanut butter sandwiches you know. I mean c’mon! It’s ridiculous!”
“Maybe that’s why you’re bad at it. You don’t have a salesman’s soul.”
“What?”
“Watch me carefully, I’ll show you how a pro sells.”

“Peanut Butter Sandwich! Five dollars!”
“Woah man calm down!”
“PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH! FIVE DOLLARS!”
“Take it easy man, what are you doin’?”
“PEANUT! BUTTER! SANDWICH! FIVE! DOLLARS!”
“Okay okay! Just take it and go!”

What in the world is this? Don’t tell me all the other guys met their quotas like this. This is more like extorting than selling. At the end of the day, Davidson made his quota and we returned to the office. I told my boss that I quit. I just can’t go around threatening people to buy our sandwiches. Luckily, The Boss was kind enough to land me a secretary job instead. Sitting in a chair all day handling phone calls isn’t so bad.

Munch Munch
“These peanut butter sandwiches we sell aren’t so bad.”
“Hey mister! Watch’cha eatin’?”
“Hey kid, it’s just a peanut butter sandwich. Want one? It’s probably too expensive for ya.”
“I’ve got…uh…83 cents. That’s a lot you know!”
“Hmm, I guess you’re right, that is a lot. Here ya go.”
Munch Munch
“UMMH! Gee mister this is delicious! Probably the best peanut butter sandwich I’ve ever had!”

Fail's Prompt: "The Adventures of Superdoken" 3/4

Spoiler!

Once upon a time, there was a young lad named Superdoken. Superdoken was the town’s vigilante. Whenever the town police was too busy or lazy to protect the law, Superdoken took it upon himself to protect the law himself. “Hey scumbag! No littering!” Superdoken yelled. Superdoken took out a rubber ball, small enough to fit in your hands, and threw it at the litterer. “Ow! Hey watch it punk!” The litterer replied. “Pick up that piece of trash you just threw on the ground or you’ll regret it!” Superdoken said, pointing at a bag of cornchips. “What’cha gonna do about it kid,” the litterer mocked, “tell my mommy? Hahaha!” Superdoken, enraged, lunged at the litterer and pinned him on the floor. “Hiyah!” Superdoken screamed as he slapped the litterer. “Okay okay! I’ll pick it up! Just get off of me!” Superdoken complied and watched as the litterer picked his bag of cornchips up and threw it in the garbage. A smile crept across Superdoken’s face. “Just another day’s work.” Superdoken said proudly. Superdoken walked along, continuing his patrol for other lawbreakers.

In the background was parked a black car, with two men inside it. “How’s it looking, Buddy?” said a man. He spoke with a deep voice and was dressed in a black suit and a hat. “That kid might give us some trouble, Guy.” The other man replied. This man, Buddy, was taller than Buddy but skinner and also wore a black suit and a hat. “What should we do about him?” Guy asked. “We bait him,” Buddy replied. Buddy started up the car and drove the car quickly after Superdoken. Their plan worked perfectly as they ran by Superdoken. “Hey! You’re driving on the wrong side of the street and driving over the speed limit!’ Superdoken yelled. Buddy rolled down his window and threw a crumpled piece of paper out onto the sidewalk. “Reckless driving, speeding, AND littering!? That does it! You scumbags are going down!” Superdoken pulled his scooter off of his backpack and chased the black car.

About twenty minutes later, the black car reached an abandoned warehouse, parked the car outside, and ran inside the building. Superdoken, close behind, finally reached the warehouse and threw aside his scooter while rushing in. Superdoken kicked open the door and ran inside yelling, “Face me! Lawbreakers!” Superdoken looked around but the warehouse was empty and silent. Suddenly, a great force lifted Superdoken off the ground from behind. It was Buddy of the black car. “Let me down scumbag! So I can teach you a lesson for breaking the law!” “Not a chance, kid!” Buddy said. Guy then took out a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed Superdoken to a pipe attached to the walls of the warehouse. “You just stay here and be a good kid. We’ve got work to do.” Buddy told Superdoken. “Work to do? What do you plan on doing, scumbags!?” “We’re just going to rile up a little trouble is all. Hahahaha.” The two men left Superdoken in the warehouse and proceeded to carrying out their diabolical plans.

The two men drove back to where they were before they baited Superdoken. They both got out of the car and Guy said, “Let’s roll.” They both ran into a shop and took out a small gun. “Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!” Buddy pointed his gun at the customers while Guy approached the cashier and said, “Put all of your dough into this bag! Hurry up!” While the store was being robbed, a little girl outside ran to the nearest police box to call for help. When she got there though, she found all of the police officers intoxicated and incapable of moving. “Oh no! All the police are out! Who’s going to stop those robbers?”

Back at the warehouse, Superdoken was still handcuffed to the pipe. “Those scumbags are definitely going to pay this! How am I going to get these off?” A couple minutes of pondering past before Superdoken thought up a brilliant idea. “I’ve got it! I’ll just slip my hand out of the handcuffs! My hands are smaller than the hole!” Superdoken did exactly that and freed himself. Superdoken ran outside, grabbed his scooter and started his way back into town as quickly as he could. “Don’t worry town! I’m coming to save you!”

Superdoken made it back to town, but Guy and Buddy have already robbed three stores and were on their fourth one. “Superdoken!” the same girl from before cried, “Oh Superdoken it’s terrible! These two guys are going around town robbing stores! Right now they’re robbing St. Jame’s!” “Don’t worry about it,” Superdoken assured her, “I’ve gonna go stop those scumags! You just go find as many police officers as you can to help and stay safe!” Superdoken rode his scooter towards St. James, the current scene of robbery.

“Yeah! Yeah! Keep them dough coming!” Buddy laughed. “It’s time to go Buddy,” Guy said. “Not yet Guy! The police are down for the count! No one can stop us!” Buddy replied. Immediately after saying this, the doors of the store burst open, revealing Superdoken to the robbers. “That’s what you think, scumbags! You still have me to deal with!” “How did you escape!?” “I told you to get a move on Buddy! I shouldn’t have let you take charge this time!” Superdoken stood his ground and looked keenly at the bag Buddy was holding. “Stealing dough from bakeries? That’s reaching a new low! How terrible can you get?”

Guy positioned his gun at Superdoken and pressed the trigger. Superdoken dodged and the pellet hit their black car outside. “You guys got a permit for beebee guns!” Superdoken yelled as he lunged at Guy. Guy’s stature however, was not tall or skinny enough for Superdoken to knock him down and pin him. Guy grabbed Superdoken and threw him against Buddy accidentally. “Whoopsie,” Guy muttered. Superdoken fell against Buddy, but Buddy cushioned him. Unfortunately, Buddy happened to have been tall and skinny and landed against the cashier counter. Superdoken quickly recovered and grabbed Buddy’s handcuffs and handcuffed both of Buddy’s wrists while ensuring that the handcuff holes were too small for Buddy to escape from.

Guy aimed at Superdoken and was ready to fire when he heard Superdoken yell, “You scumbags hungry for some pies!” Superdoken held up two pies in each of his hands and then threw them both at Guy. They managed to hit Guy in the face and knock him over. Guy fired his gun as he fell over, shooting towards the ceilings. Superdoken ran and jumped onto Guy and then screamed, “Hiya!” as he slapped Guy across the face with all his might. The force of Superdoken’s slap was great enough to knock out the robber. Superdoken then got up and heard police sirens. Two police officers arrived yelled, “Everybody freeze! This is the police!” Superdoken walked towards the police and assured them, “Don’t worry officers. It’s all over.” Superdoken pointed towards Guy and Buddy and the police arrested them.

Outside the store, the girl from before said to Superdoken, “Gee Superdoken that was amazing! You sure are brave and strong!” “Don’t worry girl,” Superdoken replied, “You were brave and strong too, gathering the police.” A large policeman came over to Superdoken and the girl. He said to Superdoken, “Thanks Superdoken. I don’t know what we’d do if those robbers got away with all this dough. We would have gotten the situation handled earlier, but most of our men were down with food poisoning. Is there anything we can do for ya?” Superdoken looked at the man and shook his head, “Just another day’s work.” Superdoken walked along continuing his patrol for lawbreakers. Whenever the town police was too busy or lazy, or in this case too ill, to protect the law, Superdoken took it upon himself to protect the law himself. Superdoken was the town’s vigilante. This was just one of the many adventures of Superdoken.

Creative Writing Club Assignment: "'human nature" theme that connects to the museums you visited or the emotions or ideas you felt" 3

Spoiler!

“Here’s the room. Good luck kid!” The nurse shows me the room I was assigned to. I needed a couple more community service hours to graduate high school with honors. There weren’t any other places that needed help or most voluntary positions were taken by students who procrastinated on their community service hours. Desperate, I asked a worker at an STI sanatorium if they offered community service. Luckily they did. The nurse pats me on the back and starts his way back the hall we came through. I look forward at the door and take a deep breath. “There’s nothing to worry about. I only need two more hours. I just need to keep the patient company for two hours and then it’s over.” I think to myself. I knock on the door and wait for an answer. Nothing. I knock again and open the door. A bed comes into view with a girl sitting on it, holding what seem to be a sketchbook, held up by her legs.

The girl turns her head and looks at me unsurprised. She has hollow cheeks and dark, heavy circles around her eyes. Her pair of dull blue eyes has a somewhat piercing property to them. “Uh, hi there. My name’s Anton and uh, I’m here to keep you company.” I nervously say. The girl keeps silent but still stares at me. I take a step inside and look around. There are massive amounts of scribbles drawn on the walls all around the room. A good chunk of them seem to gather more in between the bottom of the walls and the upper-middle of the walls. Most of the top walls are still a hospital pink, though some scribbles did manage to climb up to there. In front of them, the walls are decorated with numerous art works. Some of them paintings and others pen and pencil drawings. They are placed awkwardly, exposing a large amount of the walls in some areas, and completely covering parts of the walls in others. I try to find a chair to sit down in but find there aren’t any. I close the door and stand about uneasy.

The girl continues staring at me. “So uh, what’s your name?” I ask her. She is still silent and glaring. I begin sweating a little, not knowing what to do. I occasionally look at her, then look away, and look back at her. I begin swaying side to side a bit. This uncomfortable atmosphere continues for several minutes. It is broken when the girl says, “Sit.” My body flinches after hearing her suddenly speak. “Oh, uh. I’m sorry I’m not sure where I should sit.” I answer. The girl closes her eyes and turns her head to the window, covering her face from view. “Are you not free to choose where to sit?” She asks. “I-I’m sorry. It’s just—there are no chairs or anything around.” I stammer. Still looking at the window, the girl replies, “You are free to choose where to sit.” “Well, even if you say that, people don’t normally sit when there are no chairs in a room.” I look around for an exposed wall part and sit myself there, leaning on the wall with my back. I end up sitting directly in front of the bed. Part of her face is in view again.

After a while, the girl returns her head to her sketchbook and resumes drawing. An unpleasant hour passes. I just sat looking around the room or looking at the girl. The hour was unproductive. In keeping my oath to offering “community services”, I decide to break the silent and blurt out, “So…you like art?” The girl momentarily looks at me and then continues drawing. “Am I not free to like art?” She replies. My lips twitch. Her choice of words somehow annoyed me. “Well, you’re free to like art. But you know, that was just a general yes or no question. What’s up with this ‘not free to’ stuff? You said that about the sitting too.” The girl looks up at me with the same piercing eyes she greeted me with.

“You said you’re here to keep me company? Why? Did you choose so of your own volition?” I look away. “Well, er, you see. It’s kind of for community service. I need two more hours to complete it so that I can graduate school with honors. It’s a requirement. I don’t really want to be here, but I can’t help it.” I look back at her. Her brows furrow; her glare intensifies.

“So you were not free to choose what you wanted to do? Typical. So. Why do you want to graduate with honors?”

“Well you know. It’ll look good for when I go to college. My parents suggested it. Most of my friends are going for it too. So you know, why not?”

“Your parents suggested it and your friends are aiming for it. Where was your choice on the matter? Did you simply choose to achieve this from your parents’ expectations and the norm amongst your friends? Shallow. None of your own will was put into the choice you made. Even now, you said you’re here though you don’t want to be.”

“Ergh” I began, but nothing came out. It’s true that I sort of just went with the flow. Even so, I began feeling irritated.

“Subjugating oneself to the expectations and norms of society, one cannot be free. But on the offhand, breaking away from expectations and norms would beget one scorn. You cannot leave no matter what. You cannot be free. Such is human nature.”

At that, my eyes lit up. I hastily stand up and begin, “Now hold on just a moment. My choice to go with the flow was pretty shallow. But it’s not like I was thinking about expectations or any of that. All they did was give me a direction. In fact, it has nothing to do with being free or not. Don’t you think you’re looking into this a bit too deeply?” I didn’t mean to say it with an unpleasant tone.

The girl’s eyes widen and her mouth left open. She is speechless. She quickly turns into her sketchbook and retracts her legs inwards more, covering her face. “Isn’t it time for you to leave!?” I smile at her smugly despite that she isn’t looking. I cross my arms and widen my legs. “Am I not free to stay?” I retort. She winces. She quickly gets up and storm out the room, leaving me alone. I remain standing in the room, unsure how to react. An hour passes by and someone finally returns to the room. It is the nurse from earlier. “Good job kid! We’ve been trying to get her to go outside for a while now.”