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Thread: Anyone mind revising some parts of my essay? (will bring the final parts as updated)

  1. #1
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    Default Anyone mind revising some parts of my essay? (will bring the final parts as updated)

    This essay is about Martin Luther King Jr's "Letter From a Birmingham Jail." The topic is this.

    Martin Luther King Jr. articulated his ethical views on civil disobedience, religion, and the law using faith and logic as an unlikely juxtaposition to persuade the clergymen and other readers about his reasoning in his course of action at Birmingham, Alabama. His piece, “Letter From a Birmingham Jail,” intricately did so to communicate to his opponents. Although it may seem to be a long evangelical letter toward the Protestant clergymen, the letter clearly made an effort to persuade his opponents with a riveting flow.
    Martin Luther King Jr.’s beliefs on the law, civil disobedience, and religion all coexisted as one entity. “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” was riddled with Christian jargon. Using these terminologies, Martin Luther King Jr. gave examples of Biblical figures to illustrate the martyrdom of his actions and in prison. Inherently, he was compelled like the Apostle Paul to “constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.” (King Jr. 164)
    What made the beliefs of law, civil disobedience, and religion of Martin Luther King Jr., connected was that they all harbored one goal, the persuasion of his adversaries and the methodology used to exemplify his viewpoint, using an unlikely alliance of faith and logic. The symbiosis of the two characteristics allowed any opposing forces to easily relate the subject at hand without any bias.
    What was Martin Luther King Jr.’s belief on the law? Martin Luther King Jr. stated that the difference of the two ties to the connection of the laws of morals and God. He stated that any law that encouraged or enlightened humanity itself was a just law, just at the same for an unjust law, which demoralized human character. One interesting quote Martin Luther King Jr. brought up was that he mentioned Paul Tillich’s statement that “sin is separation.” Could that have meant Martin Luther King Jr. was implying that if races were segregated, or separated in simpler terms, that the United States was committing treason against the acts of humanity? (King Jr. 167)
    Martin Luther King Jr. gave an example of a just and an unjust law. The Supreme Court decision in 1954 stated that segregation was outlawed; yet segregation remained the norm of other sections in the public. As Martin Luther King Jr. asked a possible question of “how can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?” What he stated meant that while it was good to follow the just law of the Supreme Court decision of 1954, it was also good to disobey the unjust segregation of public locations. Inherently, this developed the idea civil disobedience by Martin Luther King Jr. (King Jr. 167-168)
    A key factor of the civil disobedience policy from Martin Luther King Jr. was stressed his arrest of not being able to parade without a permit. The paradox in this arrest was that as Martin Luther King Jr. stated,
    “…there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First-Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.” (King Jr. 168)
    Martin Luther King meant that in order for a law to be moral, how could one follow something that contradicts the other? This then lead to his reaction of civilly accepting the punishment of being in jail and not acting violently. As Martin Luther King Jr. said in his letter, “one who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty.” (King Jr. 168)
    However, in order to fully establish the meaning of why Martin Luther King Jr. enacted his campaign to stop segregation in Birmingham, Alabama, he simply could not wait for the opportunity of a well-timed protest. The word “wait!” pierced his ears as the word transformed into “never!” to describe how the epidemic of segregation in the United States would end. After addressing this statement, Martin Luther King Jr.’s letter suddenly became filled with full-blown evangelism of the Christian gospel and hard facts of history. (King Jr. 166)
    “Letter From a Birmingham Jail” directly addressed “to my fellow clergymen” as his audience. It was instantaneous that the clergymen were the opponents to his actions in Birmingham. However why? According to Martin Luther King Jr., a Texan brother wrote to him that equality would eventually be sprouted onto the earth just as Christianity has for two thousand years. Unfortunately, that clergyman saw only one side of the Christianity uprising. (King Jr. 170)
    According to the Biblical truth, Jesus spent his lifetime to spread the good news of salvation to the earth. Many considered Him as an extremist, whom the same statement coincided with the actions of Martin Luther King Jr. in Birmingham. At the same time, Jesus set the Christian faith in place within a matter of three years before his crucifixion. It could be implied that Martin Luther King Jr. uses this example to show the clergymen that the church must use extremist methods to allow changes set forth. In fact, he stated this about the power of churches:
    “… I must honestly reiterate that I have been disappointed with the church. I do not say this as on of those negative critics who can always fin d something wrong with the church I say this as a minister of the gospel, who loves the church; who was nurtured in its bosom; who has been sustained by its spiritual blessings and who will remain true to it as long as the cord of life shall lengthen.” (King Jr. 172)
    Understanding this quote, Martin Luther King Jr. stressed that the churches have lost power, becoming too conformed to the norms of society and entangled with the tribulations of what is the truth.
    Still in his words, Martin Luther King Jr. did not just appeal to only the clergymen. Out the fiery tongue of the Holy Spirit enacted inside of Martin Luther King Jr. also came out the facts of historical knowledge. Indeed, countless inferences and philosophical thoughts of the Biblical text roamed in his letter; however Martin Luther King Jr. mentioned the policies of Adolf Hitler during the Holocaust as “just” and acts of the Hungarian freedom fighters as “unjust” in different perspectives. Lastly, in the few paragraphs before the end of his letter, he vividly described the treatment of the African Americans by the Birmingham police that contradict what the clergymen believed was the “order and prevention of violence.” (King Jr. 169, 175)
    Without avail, Martin Luther King Jr. sat in Birmingham jail, knowing what he did was for a good cause to end segregation. He wrote to his clergymen stating his views on law, civil disobedience, and religion, with an intricate communication method of using faith and logic to coexist as one entity to convince the opposing force. It was thanks to him for without the “Letter From a Birmingham Jail” that his motives and reasons would be left unknown. Instead, the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. stands still now with secrets decrypted and analyzed.
    will be updated when finished. currently unrevised

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    update: draft finished with semi-revisions.

  3. #3

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    Your in text cites are wrong.

    No periods!

    (author page number)

  4. #4
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    I hope your teacher doesn't use an online plagarism check, 'cause posting this here might set it off.
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  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by WyattHalliwell View Post
    I hope your teacher doesn't use an online plagarism check, 'cause posting this here might set it off.
    yea that would be really bad and also if you teacher doesn't have a program, they do use Google.

    all they do is type in the first sentence and then look at the results.

    So ether way i would remove you essay from your post.

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    uhm, yeah, considering the fact they don't even check the profile?

    then they're indeed stupid. In any case, i got blasted in a good way for the draft. It was really bad.

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    I reply with a couple of stipulations, I've never read the letter that the essay is based on, so some of my edits and comments are based on guesses (I'll try to point out each occassion when I'm making a guess), and second, I don't understand the full scope of your assignment so I'm basing this on simply an essay that is to demonstrate your level of comprehension and opinion on Jr's piece.

    You've chosen complex sentence structure, and have employed some unique words to your essay which I enjoyed intently. There was however some confusion because of these elements which I have first hand experience in doing to my readers. So a lot of my comments are based on picking through word choices to find the deeper content and back down on some of the sentence structure to tone down potential confusion. I was going to upload the copy I made in Word, however I don't think I want to spend that much time adding in notes on the above mentioned lines/parts.



    First Paragraph:

    :) Very first sentence, "articulated" -misuse, I'm assuming that his letter is a letter, and was not a speech. If it was a speech, then ignore this.

    :) "... to persuade the clergymen and other readers about his reasoning in his course of action at Birmingham, Alabama. His piece, “Letter From a Birmingham Jail,” intricately did so to communicate to his opponents."

    - I've not read the letter, but the first part says that it was to persuade, and the second to explain. If the letter embodies these two purposes then leave it as is, if it was meant to explain, consider omitting persuade.
    - The tail end of the first sentence is also worded funny, consider shortening it to something like, "...his course of action at..."
    - The second sentence is worded funny, but also seems unneeded bias/assumption.

    :) Last sentence, you used persuade and went further to describe the method of persuasion as "riveting flow". I scratched my head over this as I originally thought that it was the use of "logic and faith" that accomplished his goal. Ultimately the sentence may be out of place in the paragraph, and or completely unneeded.

    :D Something to consider for opening paragraphs that drives professors psycho-happy, is to pick out a quote or phrase from the piece that embodies a key point. If there is one...

    Second Paragraph:

    :) Although I like your use of "jargon" in the second sentence, the sentence is short and probably unneeded. It looks like you were using it as a lead in to some of the religious context of the letter, but you eventually tie it all back to the first statement in the paragraph. Either reword it, or work it into the first sentence.

    :) Martyrdom is an odd word to use. It's not used incorrectly from what I can discern, but it doesn't flow with the sentence. You may want to consider using just 'martyr' and rewording to something like, "... to illustrate his actions as a martyr."

    :) Content related, I'd like to see more of his references to religious figures as you've really only cited one, and it did not convey a relationship to him as martyr or explain a similarity of thought or nature with King himself. You may want to use this quote as the opening line to this paragraph to lead in to what is currently your first line and then... pick out some additional quotes (if there are any), that relate. Since your paragraph is on the coexistence, you should also pick out some of the "logical" statements of King's to compare and contrast the two to prove this point.

    :) The last sentence is worded oddly as well. "...any opposing forces" could be changed to "...King's adversaries...", and "...relate the subject at hand without any bias." could be changed to something like "... to easily understand his views." You should omit bias since we're talking about King's opinions, which would naturally be biased (not in a bad way, but bias none the less).

    :D At the end of this paragraph you stated that his beliefs were united by a singular goal. You may want to focus more on this point in this paragraph rather than citing religious statements in the letter. This is important because as the paragraph is, you've not proven your point. At the very least, state what the "goal" is and pick a part of the letter that has a law implication directed at this goal, a religious one directed at it, and a civil disobedience element.
    I'm not sure I've suggested something that can be done here... if not simply change the premise of the paragraph. I think what you're really after is to show the coexistence of religion/faith, and logic... not his goal. In which case, revert back to quoting his logic, and his religious references and interpret them in this paragraph to show their unification.




    -To be continued if you wish.

  8. #8
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    RatPoison, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but honestly, I have to trash the whole essay, and write a new one. It's basically not the best one.

    edit: the thesis is alright, but the rest don't really explain it...

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by MoonlightDarkness View Post
    RatPoison, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but honestly, I have to trash the whole essay, and write a new one. It's basically not the best one.

    edit: the thesis is alright, but the rest don't really explain it...
    That's actually more alright than you know. I had already came to that same conclusion after reading it a couple of times and was trying to tip-toe around without stating it. It's partially why I stopped at listing things at the second paragraph.

    Although I don't subscribe to the method, the archaic flow chart design may help you organize what you want without wasting further time in writing full essays. It will at least let you put out the points you wish to prove, and the evidence you have to prove it - or show the evidence you will need.

    Good luck.

  10. #10

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